The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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