I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
