just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
