Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
