People in love make me want to vomit
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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