My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
