she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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