I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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