What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
