You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
