I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
