Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
