So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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