no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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