.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
