He asked me if I "almost moaned"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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