JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
