what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
