I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
and you fell through a lawn chair
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
