One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
