If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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