if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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