Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They have beer where we have blood.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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