we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
