I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
