The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
