im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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