This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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