Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
