I just made out with a guy for $7.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
