Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You smell like stripper and shame
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
