If i come over, it means nothing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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