member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
