the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
