I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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