You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ass is underappreciated
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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