I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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