i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
