I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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