I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
