; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
