saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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