Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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