My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
