I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
