You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
