Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
