so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
