I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
How's work?
Spinning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
