I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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