Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
