I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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