There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
