dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
