she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
