you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
