I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
