he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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