You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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