operation harelip BJ is a go
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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