im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize