found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
