ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
