Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
