So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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