We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
