he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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