never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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