What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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